its difficult for me that you’ve never fully articulated the way you feel about me. at best, we are consistent in saying that we love one another, but in a vague undefined way. you love me in a way that is nondescript and I love you in a way will never be reciprocal.
Sat around all day watching Charmed. Felt like shit thinking about the future, goals, and the past. I watched the cats sleep. I watched the curtains billow. I didn’t make the bed. After researching probable “options” for the future, I decided on a handful of programs to apply to, a feasible fellowship to try for, and two new volunteer opportunities to dedicate my time to. I also thought about how I’m sick of pretending to tolerate things that annoy/enrage me (ex. people I despise, sexism, racism, general ignorance, fake friends, assholes, parents who abusively yell and beat their children in public, etc.). I want to start channeling my frustrations in a constructive way. I want to start articulating the way I feel about the things I hate and let them go.
I’m over it. Fuck all the bullshit. Life’s too short for it.