Sat around all day watching Charmed. Felt like shit thinking about the future, goals, and the past. I watched the cats sleep. I watched the curtains billow. I didn’t make the bed. After researching probable “options” for the future, I decided on a handful of programs to apply to, a feasible fellowship to try for, and two new volunteer opportunities to dedicate my time to. I also thought about how I’m sick of pretending to tolerate things that annoy/enrage me (ex. people I despise, sexism, racism, general ignorance, fake friends, assholes, parents who abusively yell and beat their children in public, etc.). I want to start channeling my frustrations in a constructive way. I want to start articulating the way I feel about the things I hate and let them go.
I’m over it. Fuck all the bullshit. Life’s too short for it.
Saw my first heart break circa ‘01 while in line at Starbucks on South. I felt someone staring, turned and it was him. After making minor eye contact I experienced a vague sense of disgust and an avalanche of indifference. I can only hope that I feel that detached and emotionally removed from future pains nine years from now.